Best Havelock Vetinari Humor Fanfics

by ghost_of_lady_Melmoth · Vimes/Vetinari

Vimes knows about stoker Blakes's identity and he cannot stop thinking about it. Vetinari is more than willing to give him more to think about. "The room was horribly quiet which only allowed the memories of sounds on the train's steering deck to resonate in Vimes’s ears louder. Constable Visit told

by Junor · Vimes/Vetinari

“How would you feel if I told you you look dashing today?” His cheeks already burned under the scorching sun and it had saved him from shame, but he was sure Vetinari had seen everything he needed to see. “That's not funny, sir,” said Sam quietly. “And I’m not a Fools Guild alumnus.” He didn't know

by Arcane Charisma (Saras_Girl) · Vimes/Vetinari

It’s not Vimes’s fault, the thing that happens. It’s not his fault in the sense that he isn’t the bastard sending weird letters to people, but it also isn’t his fault that on that particular day, he actually opens some of his mail.[In which Vimes has had enough, Vetinari is extraordinarily patient,

by Lai_hoerrrru · Vimes/Vetinari

Welcome to my archive of vetvimes smut

by Zakalwe · Vimes/Vetinari

Someone tries to kill Vetinari; Vimes takes it personally. Quick little fic written for the angry confession prompt "Don't you dare walk away from me—not after everything—not when I'm finally telling you the truth" requested by helenvader - thank you!

by NarrativeFoil · Vimes/Vetinari

Some illustrations of fragments from Zakalwe’s fic Uncharted Territory. Sybil once dated Vetinari when they were younger and Vimes feels a peculiar way about it.

by Narvine · Vimes/Vetinari

After a cataclysmic storm wiped out the shores of Klatch and now heads for Ankh-Morpork, the Patrician must find a way to protect his city. A strange wizard, brought in by Ridcully, is interested to help, but he soon reveals himself to be the sort of person neither Vetinari, nor Vimes want around.

by hemlockq · Vimes/Vetinari

“You’re not getting that leash on me,” says Vimes, “not tonight.” Vetinari narrows his eyes. “Is that a challenge, Commander?”

by w0rms_w0rms_w0rms · Vimes/Vetinari

"The Patrician didn’t feel the bullet enter his leg. The first sensation he experienced after he heard the ‘bang’ was of a strange pressure in his thigh, slightly warm, as if being squeezed by a pair of strong hands. Then there was the weight of Carrot’s body over his chest as he barrelled into Veti

by Alasdair_Ya · Vimes/Vetinari

Sketches of Discworld characters.

by w0rms_w0rms_w0rms · Vimes/Vetinari

Fencing is one of the few things that has been suggested to Vimes by Lady Sybil which he has categorically vetoed. He has always been vaguely aware of the idea that exercise and adrenaline can be good for blowing off certain kinds of steam – and to be fair, throwing himself in the general direction

by sintacks · Vimes/Vetinari

Vimes sleeps with an assassin. Just, not the one you'd expect...